If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
