Sponge bath it is.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
