i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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