You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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