can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
