you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize