youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
