It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
