You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
