3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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