it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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