Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
