We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize