Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
