She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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