Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
