I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i think my cat just said my name.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
