peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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