I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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