hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
