ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she told me i tasted like america
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize