I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
