Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize