I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
