one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
