My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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