East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
