I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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