You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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