jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
