If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
