I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You ate ashes out of my bong
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
