I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
