If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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