when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
