I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
