the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
