So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
