For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
