I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
