I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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