If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am mentally ready for anal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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