Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

Fav 6 805 3155
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(503): View more from Oregon

You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.

Fav 14 2877 895
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(+02): View more from

Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies

Fav 15 2995 811
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(407): View more from Florida

this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

Fav 65 14163 1185
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(626): View more from California

Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

Fav 24 18757 1367
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(260): View more from Indiana

I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.

Fav 3 1101 2657
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt

Fav 7 2478 1511
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(417): View more from Missouri

Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!

Fav 5 894 391
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(206): View more from Washington

I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead

Fav 0 193 122
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