wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
