4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
