I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
