In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
