stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
3 2 1 whiskey
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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