Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
