Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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