i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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