i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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