Moan for me like Helen Keller
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
