Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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