at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize