marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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