If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
