I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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