Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
