speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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