i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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