FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
