dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Vodka?
Forever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
