So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
