these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
