in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
