So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
