your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
