He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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