im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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