so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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