ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
